The Domestic Goddess vs. The Feminine Mistake
There’s a new book out called The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? Forty years after 
Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique catalyzed the women’s movement, Leslie Bennett’s brand new book "looks at today’s Ivy League-educated stay-at-home moms and asks, ‘Have they made ‘The Feminine Mistake’ by removing themselves from the job market when they had children?’ " (from a story in the Valley Times, 5/9/07; if you click over to the story, don’t miss the reader comments).
Bennett’s point is that women who learn to balance motherhood and career are much more likely to enjoy economic security, and that the job market will not wait around for women who take 15 or 20 years off to raise their children. Clearly, motherhood has a cost.
But Queen of the Castle author Lynn Bowen Walker has a different take. There may be a cost involved, but she thinks it’s worth it. Here’s part two of my interview with Lynn….
Q. What do you find most fulfilling about being a “domestic goddess,” or homemaker?
A. It has been wonderful beyond words to have had so much time with my kids and my husband. When you’re home, you get to build so many memories together. Even things like driving the kids back and forth to all their activities -– it may seem like wasted time, but you can have such great conversations in the car.
Q. What would you say to young mothers struggling with the decision to work full time outside the home or to become a homemaker?
A. I’d say if your heart is at all leading you in that direction, you ought to try staying home, at least for a season. Our kids are young for such a short time, and you’ll never regret the time you spend with them. At some point, they don’t want to sit on the couch and snuggle with you anymore. If you missed those opportunities, you can’t get them back. Tonight might be the last time your daughter wants to blow bubbles with you. Aaaaah!
Q. As a homemaker, who are your heroes?
A. I really look up to Ruth Bell Graham and to Shirley Dobson. They are such great examples to me of women who have quietly and faithfully loved their families in a very behind-the-scenes kind of way. Now that their kids were older, they’ve written books, chaired the National Day of Prayer, done all kinds of things. What an impact they’ve had on the world, both in their homes and out of it.
"The really heroic people are not the ones who travel 10,000 miles by dog sled, but those
who stay 10,000 days in one place” (from William Gordon, Episcopal bishop of Alaska). I think that’s what it’s all about. Faithfully doing the job God’s given us, no matter how mundane it may seem.
Queen of the Castle (Integrity) offers 52 weeks of encouragement for the uninspired, domestically challenged, or just plain tired homemaker. Seasoned with wisdom and encouragement, it features lots of ideas and advice on parenting, gardening, celebrations, and weekly chocolate recipes.
NOTES:
- I have a signed copy of Queen of the Castle to give away. If you leave a comment on this post, I’ll enter you in a drawing and the winner will get Lynn’s book!
- More from Lynn Bowen Walker at Stray Thoughts and Enjoy the Journey,
- Check this out: Kristy left an insightful comment about juggling motherhood and work on my last post.
Note: if you’re a subscriber, and would like to comment on this post or read the comments, click here to go to the Unmasking the Goddess blog.
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SUSY FLORY is a writer, speaker, and journalist who inspires and challenges women to embrace a life of passion, boldness, & adventure. In your own unique way, YOU can change the world, starting in your own backyard. 
The reality is if you choose homemaker, the working world won’t wait for you. But, if you choose work, your kids won’t wait for you either. I think each woman just has to decide for herself who she wants to be and which price she wants to pay. No woman should be condemned for choosing one over the other because each comes with a costly sacrifice, whether you measure that sacrifice in paychecks or sticky fingers.
Hi,
I’ve recently found your blog and pop in every now and then.
Would love to be in the draw to win a copy of this book – if you haven’t already drawn it!
Cheers, Wilma
It sounds wonderful- I love the weekly chocolates too!!
Count me in for the book drawing!
Your article was a good one, I think the divine feminine goes way back, and yes, it is a form of idolatry. Women have struggled intellectually and politically yet, the battle is a spiritual one.
If a woman can choose a career and receive affirmation for that, she should also be able to freely choose homemaking and receive respect. In fact, anyone, male or female, who chooses to invest time and energy in caring for children at home deserves respect for the sacrifices they make and the hard work they perform every day. Children need love and attention and it is noble to give of oneself to care for them, just as much as it is worthwhile to serve by starting a charitable foundation, cleaning up the environment, curing cancer, etc. If a family chooses to have children, then raising them is the most important priority – and mothers and fathers deserve respect for making it so.
Women need to support each other and honor the choices each person makes. And raising kids does not mean giving up all of one’s own interests and values – it can be a creative way to develop them more fully and pass them on. I used to mentor schoolage kids in inner-city Sacramento and got them involved in art and making cards for a children’s hospital, and other more athletically minded volunteers set up football and soccer games. I know many hippie eco-friendly mothers who make that work at home with their kids, and a few scientists and a lady doctor who have children and they are busy, but they share their lives and some of their work and goals with their children. So people can make it work.
There are naturally different seasons in life, and sometimes it’s best for men and women to focus on their careers and goals, and other times the kids need to take priority if there are children.
– You might be able to do it all, but not all at once!