Danger: Tall, Pale, Bald Woman Wielding Power Tools
A few days ago someone said something that shocked me. I wanted to use the leaf blower to do some much needed clean-up on the front porch and someone, trying to talk me out of it, called me “ill.”
Shocking. I was appalled. Why? Because I don’t feel ill.
I’m not even quite sure exactly what it means to be ill. Maybe you can help me figure this out.
A couple of months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then I’ve had several diagnostic tests, two surgeries, and a plethora of doctor’s visits and other medical appointments. My body has been sliced, diced, glued, taped, and stitched. I’ve been anesthetized, medicated, i.v.ed, and drained of vials of blood sent off for diagnostic tests. I’ve traded a breast and some lymph nodes for a surgically implanted port that will be used for chemo (and I’m not quite sure that’s a fair trade.) I’m going to have a few weeks of chemo, then I’ll be on a hormone blocking drug called tamoxifen. Later, a few more outpatient surgeries to even things up in the cleavage area. Then done…at least for now.
Becoming a member of the pink ribbon club has been invasive and costly in many ways, some of which I’m just beginning to understand. But there’s this: I don’t feel ill.
Just what does it mean to be ill?
I picture someone with pale skin, hollow eyes, and thin limbs. They move slowly and don’t have much of an appetite. They have very little energy and need help doing simple tasks. Their voice is small and weak. They’re cold and wear bulky sweaters and knit hats.
I do admit I was in bed for a couple of days after each surgery, and I did move slowly to protect the surgery site, but I never felt ill. I had to rest more, especially at night. I couldn’t drive for a while and still can’t lift anything heavy. My brain was pretty foggy at first, but the fog seems to be breaking up (at least I think so–you’d tell me if I’m delusional on this, right?)
And now, four weeks after my second surgery, I feel great. Other than a little soreness and stiffness in my arm and shoulder, I feel healthy, strong, and energetic. I take fast walks on the local regional park trails with our chocolate lab, Eli, and I’ve worked out twice at the gym (Eli is sitting by my desk with his tennis ball right now, waiting patiently to go on a walk). I ate a hearty lunch today (spicy Mexican food) and I still talk loud (my kids think I’m getting hard of hearing, but I’ve always talked loud). I’m wearing sweaters but that’s because it’s freezing cold outside. And I’m getting back to work.
Am I ill? I’m just not sure what that means, or if I’m willing to admit to it. I did have a malignant tumor, although it’s gone now. And it is possible there are some cancerous cells floating around in my body. So I will be having chemo, starting Monday.
Chemo might make me feel ill. In fact, it probably will as the medication destroys all fast-growing cells. Normal cells will recover and continue functioning; cancer cells will die off. This process, and my body working hard to repair itself, will make me feel tired, will probably make me pale, and I might move more slowly. I’ll probably feel weaker, colder (thicker sweaters), and I will lose my hair (hats). My brain might get foggy again.
So am I ill? I’m not sure. Will I become ill? I don’t know.
But, if you’re driving around and see a tall, pale, bald woman in a heavy sweater swinging a leaf blower around, watch out.
I might be ill, but I can still wield power tools.
What’s your take? What do you think it means to be ill?
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SUSY FLORY is a New York Times best selling author, speaker, and journalist who searches out big stories with happy endings. She's I'm always looking for true stories that inspire and challenge her readers to embrace a life of passion, boldness, & adventure. 
Susy, I had no idea that you’d been diagnosed or had surgeries. Thanks for sharing your story, I’ll be praying for you.
Not sure what ill is…but I can tell it won’t slow you down…at least not for long!
I’m sure your story will be used for the glory of God.
Sue
New article ideas for my sister Susy,
by Sara Erb (Susy’s sister)
My next article is going to be about Shopping for Boobs, where does one begin? When you actually have the choice of cup size … how do you decide?
My quest for the right boobs started with movie stars, they are ‘perfect’ right?
Hummm….how about ….
Susy, that is an incredibly upbeat positive “in your face, cancer” approach! I pray things will go well with your chemo treatments, and that you’ll continue being the inspiration you are now!
Susy, I had no idea you were going through all of this! Must have missed the posts on FB and Twitter. I’m so sorry, but I do love your attitude. It’s one that will help you heal and as always, you’re an inspiration to the rest of us. Please keep us posted. I love the website, BTW. I haven’t seen it before.
Suzy, I also had no idea that you have been going through this and I am so encouraged by your strength and positive attitude! I do believe God will use this experience to help others through you and your words of wisdom! I say…”Ill schmill… its the attitude that counts!” I am praying for you!
My first response is to say NO, you’re not ill. But by definition I guess you are. Intriguing question. However, if it’s okay with your doctor, I say use the power tools until the cows come home!!
Susy my dear and amazing friend,
You are an inspiration…not because you’re ill but because you know you are but have not succumbed to the pressures of acting ill. Sure you have cancer but you also have a strong, wise heart and a bounty of people who love and support you, and the best darn attitude I’ve ever seen. But I still think you should’ve got the Cher wig! Hugs, smiles and much awe in you my friend.
Lorena (aka the Leen Been)
I’m proud of you and praying for you, dear classmate.
Greg
I have this vision of women carrying hopes and bearing their burdens while gliding on light; purple robes of power flowing extending to each other, crossing over wombs of water where victory meet us there, on the other side.
Susy,
) Love, Colleen
I believe we’re all “ill” – in one way or another. But YOU are “in recovery”!
Thank you for choosing to write about your journey “in recovery”. What an inspiration and a gift you are to share your experience, strength, and hope. My mom was just diagnosed with BC 2 weeks ago, and is scheduled for her single mastectomy for first week of February. We’re just steps behind you on the “illness-recovery” journey. God’s strength and complete healing be with you, my friend. (and sorry about the z in my last post!
Thank you for good Articles.
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